Photo Blog: A Scenic Tribute to Western Pennsylvania

**THIS IS A PICTURE BLOG, AND IT IS PROBABLY BETTER IF DON’T SCROLL DOWN TO THE BOTTOM REALLY FAST, BUT RATHER SCROLL DOWN AND READ ALONG.  BUT HEY, IT’S UP TO YOU**

 

Hello to you all.  I’ve spent the entire day and night going back and forth between doing a shitload of work on my computer and messing around on the internet, and I have finally finished this.   I would like to take this opportunity to do a serious blog and pay a tribute to my home, Western Pennsylvania, complete with tons of beautiful pictures.  

Before I go on, I’ll provide you with some background info.  Western PA is the home of many world famous celebrities past and present, including the likes of Jimmy Stewart, Mister Rogers, Christina Aguilera, Andy Warhol, and Lobster Boy.  It was once the heart of the global steel industry, had a thriving coal industry, and was the first place in the world where oil was produced.  Of course, these industries have been temporarily killed altogether thanks in large part to the wonders of free trade and globalization, so many western Pennsylvanians are collecting welfare and working at Wal-Mart until these industries pick back up, which will most likely be sometime between never and never.  Although geographically small, the state of Pennsylvania is home to over 12 million people.  However, as you can see on the map below, which shows all of the cities in the state, most of the population resides in the Eastern side of the state:

Workplace Pranks: Making Fake Applications for your Boss

Hello there!  Today I’d like to talk about workplace pranks.  I worked as a full-time manager of a pizza shop awhile back, I got the job when I was taking a break from school and kept it for my first year back.  Since I was the manager, and the owner of the store liked me a lot, I think I was able to get away with a lot more than other people.

My favorite pasttime as far as workplace pranks go was writing up fake applications for the owner of the store.  I liked to keep him in check, and forged some sweet applications, just to make sure he was actually reviewing them carefully.  For example, one time I wrote up an application for a guy named (well, we’ll call him) “Rob Smith”.  I made it really good.  As it turns out, we had a former employee named (once again, we’ll just call him) “Rob Smithwick” that was a complete asshole and a lousy worker.  He eventually got in a huge fight with the owner and was fired.  I put Rob Smithwick’s actual phone number on the fake application, and sure enough, the dumbass owner called thinking it was “Rob Smith”, and they got in a huge verbal argument on the phone. 

Poetry for Emos

Hey utes guys!  Howdeybehangin?  This is a very quick little cut and paste job here.  A few months back, one of my friends had several males continuously posting romantic messages in her comments on her Myspace profile and was looking for a way to make them stop. In response, I wrote a brief depressed-emo poem for her to post on these guys’ pages to make her look like a complete walking shitbomb in hopes that they would never want to talk to her again after reading it.  

 

I should first warn you that it is highly offensive.

 

Here it is, I call it:

 

The Cruel, Foul Hatred of Love

 

The Life and Times of Sir Reginald Maximilian Cuntworthy IV

 

Good day to you all.

This is jolly old Reginald Cuntworthy IV here, and I’ve gotten myself into quite the conundrum.  Last night, I was enjoying some fine wine and playing a bit of backgammon with my two best mates, Lord Geoffrey Wellington and Henry McHenry-McFeatherbottom O’Henry.  As per usual, I was a bit groggy for the first half of the day today.  As cruel fate would have it, I was set to sit for my son and watch my 11 year old granddaughter for the afternoon.

Celebrity News Round-up: Vlade Divac Found Dead!!!

Vlade Divac: 1968-2008

 

Former NBA superstar Vlade Divac was found dead this morning in Croatia.  The cause of death was deemed blunt force trauma to the head, as he was impaled in the eye-socket with a railroad spike. 

Lettin’ it all hang out in Puerto Rico

I haven’t really had the time to fuck around on here lately, and won’t for awhile, but I wanted to take a few minutes here to talk about a dream I had last night.

For some reason, I hardly ever remember dreams.  The last one I remember before last night’s happened several months ago, when I had a dream that I was at a party taking a shit, and someone kicked open the door and smashed a pie in my face.  I think I just remember the ones that are the most absurd.

Human Resource Management Tips with Ronald McDonald

Hi everyone! this is your friend that wears big red shoes! A lot of people have asked me to share with them some of the secrets that make my company so successful.
 

To be honest, I feel that the reason why we are so successful is because we are able to effectively manage our human resources. Up until now I’ve been reluctant to divulge any secrets for fear losing our competitive advantage, but now that McDonald’s has clearly established itself as the premier restaraunt in the entire world, I feel I have nothing to fear by sharing some of my innovative management methods.
 

Jolly’s Guide to Being the Coolest Person at a Buffet

Jolly’s Guide to

Being the Coolest Person at a

 Buffet

****This blog is based on true stories of both my past buffet antics, and the antics of some of my close friends.  Virtually everything mentioned in this blog has been done by either me or one of my friends****

Hello friends, nemeses, and Switzerland-esque ok-ish people,

Today I’d like to give everyone some advice on how to look cool when eating at buffets.  What’s that you ask?  What makes me qualified to provide educational assistance on the topic of buffets?  Well, I’ll give you a brief listing of some of my buffet “credentials” before going any further.

YOU WANNA PLAGIARIZE ME? GET IN THE RING MOTHERFUCKER, AND I’LL KICK YOUR BITCHY LITTLE ASS!!!!!

Howdy ho fucknuggets!

I’m completely trashed right now and in a horrible mood.

Why?

Because there are some FUCKTARDS going around and stealing other peoples’ blogs on here!  This is FUCKING BULLSHIT!  I mean, how fucking LAME can a person possibly be?  I’ve seen some shitty shitting shit on here, but plagiarizing other people’s blogs takes the shit-eating cake!  Holy snapping shitcocks Batman!

Who’s this one chick anyway?  Anna Cuntastic?  FUCK HER!  She ISN’T coming and stealing MY fucking blogs. 

I just wanted to post this little warning before getting to my actual blog that I WROTE, ALL BY MYSELF!  I want you to take a GOOD LOOK at MY BLOG, so you know where the fuck it came from.  I don’t want any confusion later on in case some asshole tries to steal my beautiful art and call it his/her own. 

A Secret Confession to One Special Person

Hey baby, in case you didn’t realize this, I set this blog to “preferred list only”.

 My p-list?

My fuckin P-list is YOU and YOU only. 

YOU will be the only one who reads this.

It will be our little secret, ok muffin basket?

Look, maybe it’s because I’m drunk now, I don’t know, but I really wanna fucking sort some shit out with you.  And yes, I’m sorry I had to do this when I was drunk, but really, you know me.   You know my ways.  I’m passive and I’m so afraid of rejection that it’s sickening.