RUN FOR YOUR FUCKING LIFE! SWINE FLU WILL RAPE AND KILL US ALL!!

**ATTENTION: THIS IS A SPECIAL BREAKING NEWS BLOG ABOUT THE MOST DEADLY SHIT THAT HAS EVER FUCKING HAPPENED**

Holy FUCKING shit!  Have you guys heard about this new swine flu pandemic that’s killed off half of Mexico yet?  It’s the scariest shit like ever and all of America should be ready in arms to fight against this enemy of liberty!

Carnage left behind by killer flu

The Journey of the Great Homunculus

It was the Spring of 1981. Reagan had just been shot, the band “Yes” broke up, and I was formed in the seminiferous tubules of my dad’s left testicle. As a young homunculus piloting a sperm cell, life in my father’s left testicle was very trying. There were hundreds of millions of folks just like me, and more and more were created just as fast as we were shipped out. Sadly, most of them were addicted to crack and heroin. They couldn’t help it, as crack and heroin was by far the most abundant food source in my father’s system for us to eat.

Don’t Be a Fool, Enhance your Skills and Go Back to School!

Hello to all of you poor recession-rattled third world Americans and Europeans who can’t afford to eat or buy clothing!

My Previous blog post dealt with honing your job interviewing skills. I have decided to make this into a blog series that covers some basic stuff to help you out during the recession. I have a few topics in mind to discuss, and today I will focus on continuing your education.

Now, most people will advise you to go back to college to upgrade your skills. I hate to break it to you, but if your intention is to stick out from the crowd, this WILL NOT work! I have taken the time to look at some more “unorthodox” schools that will provide with training that virtually nobody else has. They have all paid me a substantial sum of money to promote their schools on my blog, so without further adieu, here they are!

Up first we have:

Mack Johnson’s Cockfight Training Academy

“Nothing Impresses the Ladies Like a Champion Cock”

Are You a Worthless, Unemployed Sack of Shit? I CAN HELP YOU!

Hello out there my fellow Americans (and other sub-American species such as: everyone else)!

Normally I try to start my posts out on a positive note, but times are tough right now and the challenges that we face are too real for tomfoolery. The economy is currently in the shitter, and many of you are currently looking for employment.

Curse Words and Phrases that I Have Invented

Well then, good riddance to you assholes, I hate you all anyway and you’re definitely not getting invited to my birthday party!

Oh wait, that was supposed to be at the end, my bad. Let me start again.

Hi there you bunch of white devil cracka-ass crackaz!

Moving on, as some of you may have already noticed, I am a very innovative person when it comes to cursing. I had a foul mouth at a very young age in part because I grew up with only one sibling, who is 6 years older than me, and had a big time potty mouth by the time she was 14 (and I was 8). Of course, little Judd would try to fit in and “look cool” when my sister had friends over, so I picked up cursing at a young age to impress the older ladies.

The Passion of the Drunken Steeler Fans

(This was originally written and posted by me on my Myspace page on 1/15/2009)

Hello there,

Football season is nearing its end and we are a mere 2 and a half weeks until the Super Bowl.  If you’re a fan of either the Steelers, the Ravens, the Eagles, or the Cardinals, this is quite an exciting time for you.

The match-up that I can’t wait to see is, of course, the Steelers versus the Ravens.

Imagine…….

I am absolutely sick and tired of all the partisan bickering I see on here.  I’ve seen far too many people get hurt, and I can’t stand it anymore!  Elections shouldn’t be about saying hurtful things about people who have different viewpoints than your own.   Our country is at a time of great turmoil.  So many problems plague us, and no one is sure which of the 2 ruling parties have the best solutions.

Secret Agent Juddly Bond: Jerking Off to Save America!

When having sex, many people like to fantasize about doing someone else in order to make things a bit more exciting.  It gets boring when you bang the same person over and over again, so in order to spice things up, many of us will fantasize that we are having sex with another person, such as a famous celebrity.

Proof that the Pupperoni God Does Not Exist!!!

We humans have been arguing about religion for some time now. Some quarrel over which of the thousands of religions to choose from is right, while others argue over the existence of any kind of supernatural higher power at all. We’re not alone in our quest to find the answers to the greatest mysteries of life. I’d like to take you into another world right now. Frankly, it’s a strange and disturbing world where the existence of God has become a hot-button issue. Now, without further adieu, I welcome all of you to take a glance into the world of religious philosophy………..as interpreted by adorable cuddly cute puppies.

I Believe in the Pupperoni God!!!

(I would advise reading my other blog with pupperoni in the title before his one, prior to reading this.  Well, honestly I’d advise you to just go to another webpage.  But anyway, this is the second part of my 2 part blog series about puppy religion.  Sorry for the inconsistent formatting, I am entirely too lazy to change it on half of my blogs on here, which are always cut and paste jobs.)

Hello my fellow adorable, cuddly cute puppies! My name is Claus, and I am a Pastor at the First Assembly of Koresh Puppychurch. Recently, it has come to my attention that another puppy is trying to persuade you into joining the dark side with him. I urge you all to ignore his words. He is nothing more than an uppity, self-righteous liberal elitist puppy who thinks that he knows everything because he has a better education than most of us.