Drunken 9/11 Conspiracy Theory

(This blog was originally written and posted by Jolly Judd AKA: me, on my old Myspace profile on 9/11/2007)

Ok, first off I would like to leave a disclaimer for what I’m about to say. A lot of people have come up with various conspiracy theories involving 9/11. I would now like to talk about a theory I came up with just days after 9/11 happened.

Before I go on, I want to emphasize that I’m only going to write down what I said the weekend after 9/11 happened. It was a prediction of what would happen in the future because of 9/11 and I was joking when I said it. I am not going to tell you that since my prediction for the most part came true that this supposed conspiracy theory is true. I just wanted to put it out there for people to read anyway. I also want to emphasize that I am not making this up, what you are about to read is exactly what I said, while drunk, and talking about 9/11 and football on the weekend after the trade center attacks. Believe me; I wouldn’t make something like this up.

My friends and I were having a discussion about what we thought the ramifications of the terrorist attacks would be. I stayed silent for most of the discussion as I was attempting to mentally piece together a gigantic bullshit conspiracy theory to entertain my friends. Here is somewhat of a re-enacted transcript that basically includes what I told my friends:

“Ok guys, I’ve got one for you. I think that in light of all this shit, we are going to see the Bush administration take full advantage of this tragedy and use it as an excuse to do whatever we want militarily. I bet we’ll fucking bomb Iraq within a year and also bomb whichever country Bin Laden is hiding in and possibly attack other countries like Iran.
I think that we’ll see big cultural changes too. “I’m Proud to be an American” by Lee Greenwood will be played on the radio and TV all the time and the government will try to promote patriotism as much as possible so that no American will be opposed to what we are going to do.

I think that the main way the government will do this is by rigging the NFL since it’s our national past time. Remember when we were little kids and the San Francisco 49ers were the best team of the late 80’s and early 90’s? Despite the fact that we live in “Steeler Country” where virtually everyone worships the Pittsburgh Steelers, there were still a lot of bandwagon fans including little kids who rooted for the 49ers and many of them still do to this day. As a result of the 49ers being so good, you saw people wearing various 49er memorabilia all over the country.

Now I think this fact will be used to help promote patriotism all over the country. Yea, that’s right guys, I’m predicting the the New England Patriots will become the greatest dynasty the NFL has ever known over the next few years so that people all over the country wear red white and blue jerseys that say “patriots” on them, including little kids so that in schools all across the country Patriotism will be promoted in attempt to get kids converted to the side of our ruling regime from a very young age.

Yea, whatever guys, fuck you I know you’re laughing at me. The Pats were one of the shittiest teams in the league last year, but I can tell you that if what I say will happen does in fact happen, then we will know once and for all whether or not the people of this country are truly in contol of what happens. I’ll bet that some unheard of player will rise up from no where and lead them. Someone that is a perfect role model for little kids who has a name and image that is wholesome and American as apple pie. Then the Patriots will win games by the fucking skin of their teeth as the result of lucky plays and shitty calls from the referees. Mark my word, I guarantee it will happen.”

There is what I said on that night. I’m sure we all know what happened in terms of wars, but in case you don’t know what happened in the NFL here you go. The Pats started off terrible but a rookie came along by the name of Tom Brady and led them to a playoff berth that year. They won in the second round of the playoffs as the result of possibly the most controversial call by the referees in NFL history. Then they won the conference championship in a game where they were completely dominated but had 3 fluky plays result in touchdowns. They then won the Super Bowl against a team that no one gave them a chance against. After that they won 2 more championships in the next 3 years, including a Super Bowl where the participants were the “Patriots” and the “Eagles” (Eagle being the symbol of freedom). They are heavily favored to win again this year.

I will close by saying that I do think the Patriots are a great football team (I think they are the best team in football this year) and I’m not just making up a buch of bullshit because I’m a bitter Steeler fan. After all, we’ve won more games overall than any other team in the past 15 years and got a Super Bowl win a year and a half ago. Besides, this is about more than just football, it’s about the idea that the government could possibly be more in control of us than we think.

I simply told you what I (JOKINGLY) said would happen on a weekend night just after 9/11 and then told you what (actually) happened after that. Coincidence or not? Well, I’m not touching that one. Have certain things been rigged to create subliminal messages so we think differently? I’m not touching that one either. All I’ll say is that everything’s possible. I just had to tell everyone on here about this, as I’ve told so many of my friends in the past. We get quite a laugh over it.

Explore posts in the same categories: Conspiracy Theories, comedy

Tags: 9/11, comedy, Conspiracy, Humor, Iran, Iraq, Lee Greenwood, New England Patriots, terrorism, Tom Brady, world trade center

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