Madden Prison Sex 2008
Today, I’m going to present you with a new concept. The following blog is my interpretation of what would happen if you got NFL announcers John Madden and Pat Summerall, as well as an NFL officiating crew and a couple of former players, and had a good old fashioned XXX throwdown! The only problem is that, given certain people involved, the following sex scenario has to take place in an unconventional place.
Get ready for one of my most tasteless and offensive blogs yet, and it’s filled with tons of great pictures!! I now present to you:
Madden Prison Sex 2008
Madden: “Hey there prison sex fans! We’re broadcasting live from the Los Alamos Federal Penitentiary. We’ve got a great matchup today. With me as always is play by play announcer
Pat Summerall.”
Pat Summerall: “Thank you John, it’s great to be here. Let’s get the scouting report from our “in the cell” commentator OJ Simpson.
OJ: “Hey thanks guys, today we have a wife-murderingly awesome matchup. The home cellmate today is former Carolina Panthers WR Rae “Sweet Tits” Carruth:
OJ: “Mr Carruth comes in with a 4-2 record, good for second place in the Southwest Division of the Los Alamos Prison Sex Penal League. His visiting opponent is “Rusty Rectum” Oliver Dubois, a convicted statutory rapist who is serving 25 years in prison.”
“He currently has a 5-1 record in the Southwest division and is looking to add on to his lead over Mr. Carruth.”
Madden: “Ok, thanks OJ, I know we’re all fired up to see these two colossal titans join together in blissful sexual congress, so lets get on to the matchup!”
Summerall: “And we’re off! Rusty Rectum is starting off as the aggressor as he always does. He’s taking off his shirt and exposing his manbreasts to Carruth in a seductive fashion.”
Madden: “That puts Rusty at a strong advantage. Carruth hasn’t seen a pair of tits that big in years!”
Summerall: “Carruth has given in to temptation and is sensually massaging Rusty Rectum’s bosum.”
Madden: “Look at that! While Carruth is distracted, Rusty Rectum is pulling a pair of rubber fists from his pocket!
Madden: “Doesn’t Rae see what’s going on?”
Summerall: “Apparently not John, now Rusty is beating him senseless with the two fists, and look at that! He’s jamming one of them down Carruth’s throat! Wait, there’s a flag on the play. Let’s see what head referee Ed Hochuli thinks of this.”
Ed Hochuli: “Personal foul on the offense. Illegal Fisting, rubber fists may not be entered into any oriface without proper lubrication. That’s a 15-yard penalty and a loss of down. 4th down!
Madden: “That one was TOTALLY unnecessary!”
Summerall: “Now Carruth has a chance to take a few breaths of air before going back up against Rusty. It appears as though he is just going to take things easy and let the clock run out.”
Madden: “Yea, it’s for the best. Rae Carruth has taken quite a beating, it’s best if he let’s the clock run out so he can get a break for halftime.”
Summerall: “Ok, so that ends the first half. Stay tuned for a word from our sponsor, followed by our halftime show.”
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And now for the halftime show!! Presenting:
Madden: “Ok, welcome back folks. What a great halftime performance that was by the living legend himself, Mr. Gary Glitter. The second half is now under way.”
Summerall: “Rae Carruth has come out firing on all cylinders here. He’s currently jumping on Rusty Rectum’s back, and yes…I believe for the first time today, we do in fact have intercourse!!!!”
Madden: “Oh boy oh boy, this is what I’m talking about. Rae Carruth did a great job there of letting his thumb guide him in. Then he exposed a gap in Rusty Rectum’s defensive line, and BOOM! Carruth achieved full penetration.
Summerall: “Now Carruth is really laying it on. He’s reached under his bed and grabbed a set of anal beads.”
Madden: “Hey, he’d better be careful. Last year he tried to use his metal pleasure beads in a the wildcard playoff game against Jim “The Cleveland Steamer” Nelson and it totally backfired on him, ending Carruth’s season.”
Summerall: “You’re right John. Rusty Rectum is now back on his feet and he’s attempting to take the pleasure beads off of Rae! Rae is running with the beads and is trying to throw them out of the cell -
Madden: FUMBLE!!! He’s lost the beads!!
Summerall: Rusty Rectum has recovered the beads and has taken back control in the game! But wait a second, Rae Carruth’s coach has thrown out the red challenge flag. We’ll have to let referee Ed Hochuli take a second to look at this play from the review booth.
Ed Hochuli: “After reviewing the play, the call on the field is overturned. Rae Carruth lost the metal anal pleasure beads while his arm was in a forward motion and therefore it is not a fumble, but an incomplete pass. Rae Carruth maintains possession of the beads, wins the challenge, and will not be charged a timeout.”
Madden: “Hey that was a good challenge from the Carruth bench. That fumble could have been devastating.”
Summerall: “Now Carruth is back on top of Rusty Rectum. Rusty is trying his best to get away but simply cannot.”
Madden: “Hey what’s this? Carruth has yet another trick up his sleave! He just grabbed a rubber chicken from underneath his mattress!”
Summerall: “Carruth is on top once again and is using the rubber chicken to strangle Rusty Rectum!! And yes, now Rusty is tapping out, ending the game!!!”
Madden: “Wow what a thrilling conclusion to the game!” Rae Carruth has just upset Rusty Rectum and as taken over the lead in the division thanks to this win. Let’s talk to Rae for a minute.”
Madden: “Hey Rae! Congratulations on the victory, what are your thoughts after this huge win?”
Rae Carruth: “Oh man, I can’t believe this John. Rusty Rectum really had me reeling in the first half, but thankfully I was able to come out strong after the break and get the win.
I would like to thank Jesus for blessing me with my abilities. Back when I hired a guy to kill my wife and then got caught and arrested, I had no idea what would become of me after that. I just feel so privileged and blessed by god to be here.”
Madden: “Ok thanks Rae.”
Summerall: “This concludes our coverage for the day. Tune in next for a brand new episode of “Dora the Explorer”, right here on the network home of the Los Alamos Prison Sex Penal League, Nickelodeon.”
(This blog was originally written and posted by Jolly Judd AKA: me, on my old Myspace profile on 9/23/2007)
Tags: anal beads, buttsex, ed hochuli, funny, gary glitter, Humor, john madden, NFL, OJ Simpson, pat summerall, prison sex, rae carruth, rubber chicken, satire
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