OSU Coach Mike Gundy has Odd Bathroom Habits
(This blog was originally written and posted by Jolly Judd AKA: me, on my old Myspace profile on 9/27/2007)
The top story in the news today is about Oklahoma State University football coach Mike Gundy, who recently defended a player on his team that had a newspaper article written about him that was almost entirely inaccurate. Here is the YouTube video of him yelling at the media for 3 minutes in outrage over the incident. It has stirred up quite a controversy.
Despite the controversy over this, I completely agree with Mr. Gundy. It wasn’t right for a newspaper to publish a fictional article about a kid who has just gone through a troubling ordeal. This is just plain wrong. Near the end, he says to “Pick on me! I’m 40, I’m a man! Don’t pick on some kid!”
Ok Mike, you asked for it, and I absolutely can’t resist. Here’s what the front page news on the Oklahoman SHOULD have looked like a couple of days ago:
The Oklahoman
Monday September 24th, 2007
Top Story: OSU Coach Gundy Has Odd bathroom Habits
By: Jenni Carlson, Columnist
On Saturday, a friend of mine discovered something quite odd about Oklahoma State University football coach Mike Gundy. This friend, who shall remain anonymous, was using the men’s room at the stadium a few hours before the game. When he was standing there, urinating into the community pissing trough, he noticed that none other than coach Gundy had entered the bathroom to relieve himself as well.
My friend stood there urinating beside the great coach and noticed something strange using his peripheral vision. Out of the corner of his eye, he noticed Mike Gundy taking his left hand away from his penis mid-piss, and then sticking it up to his nose and smelling his finger. My friend assured me it wasn’t just a quick little sniff out of curiosity, but rather a fully indulgent whiff of his penile-stenched finger. “Seriously Jenni, that guy smelled his finger for like 7 solid seconds after removing it from his penis” said my friend.
My friend couldn’t help himself and had to call the coach out on his behavior. He said: “Excuse me Mr. Gundy. Did I really just see you SMELL your finger after touching your penis? That’s totally fucked up man!” Mr. Gundy heatedly fired back: “WHAT? I can’t smell my own penis? I’m 40, I’m a man! How dare you cast aspersions about my character? DAMMIT! I’m a fucking MAN!”
“Look, I was just curious, that’s all. I don’t really want to give you any trouble” said my friend. Then Gundy said: “Curious? Look, what I do with my finger after touching my penis is MY business alone. You sir, are GARBAGE! This makes me wanna PUKE!”
At this point, Mr. Gundy reached into his pants and pulled a blood-soaked maxipad from his asshole. He spiked it onto the floor, causing trickles of blood to splash up onto my friend’s khaki pants, and then stormed out of the bathroom.
Tags: college football, comedy, fake news, Humor, jenni carlson, mike gundy, odd bathroom habits, oklahoma state, satire, smelling finger
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May 31, 2008 at 3:40 am
I’ll refrain from “bedowngrading” you henceforth!
December 25, 2008 at 11:51 pm
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