Stupid Internet Tag Games

(I got tagged for a couple of little “Myspace tag games” back in February.  Here is my posting of the tags.  I made it as long as possible and there is a lot of funny shit in here.) 

I have been tagged, not once, not thrice, but twice!  Yep, tagged twice in the same day (2^nd time that has happened to me) by Smileytat and Greenchild

One of the tags had 25 random things about your self and the other had 10.  The last time I was tagged, I got tagged twice in one day and made up a whole new painfully long tag game.  Now, I will do the same.

I now present to you the longest, biggest pain in the fucking ass tag game of all time.  The format is: 15 random things about yourself, 10 anonymous messages to your friends, a brief period of reflection where you write down one sentence that describes each year of your life (and make it fun, not sappy), and then 5 things you’d like to do in the future, followed by a special surprise at the end.

*apologies for spellllllinge/grammar/formatting errors, I went through this fast and I am refused to proofread

15 random things:

1) I play drums.  Here’s is a sound clip I got from my hard drive of me playing with some of my friends in the fall of ‘06.  Since Edgar Winter has already been mentioned in this blog, here’s a cover of his most famous song:

(Yea, so I’m too lazy to try and embed the player on here, although I did have it on my original posting of this, so just use your imagination here) 

 

2) Yes, that is actually me, and no I’m not saying anything else about it because I kinda like to remain mostly anonymous.

3) However, I will say that judging by my inconsistent dynamics, as well as split second misses, it’s safe to assume that I was intoxicated when this was recorded.

4) Also, I’m a lot better than that now (at least I was until………)

5) However, I haven’t played since August because I’ve had various injuries to my upper/lower back, neck and shoulders.  I was just advised this morning to not even think about playing for another month, before slowly easing back into things.  I currently have no idea when I will actually be in good enough shape to go back out and play in a band. 

6) 2 weeks ago, I was told I may need surgery if my back didn’t get better within a month

7) Today, it feels absolutely great

I’ve said this before a couple of times, but this time I think it’s for realsies: I’m actually going to be 100% soon.  I’ve actually been virtually 100% pain free since last Saturday.  Prior to that, I hadn’t gone a second without pain for 5 months.

9) My back passed quite a challenge on Monday night.  I slipped and fell on some ice, HARD.  SMACK!  I fucking bit it hardcore and had to crawl back inside my house.  My back fucking hurt big time.  A couple of hours later, it felt fine.

10) I’m getting a master’s degree in business administration in a couple of months and with my 2 undergrad degrees, I’ll have 195 total college credits when I’m done.

11) I was recently informed that I won a national award.  It was for a semester-long project I did where I gave business consulting advice to a local non-profit organization.  I worked with a few others, and our final write up of everything we did was submitted by my school to a competition, and we were awarded one of the top 3 overall cases in the U.S.   Apparently a lot of schools do this.  They won’t tell us if we were 1,2 or 3 until the awards are officially given next month.

12) I get good enough grades in school that I get scholarships

13) I’ve done a decent amount of volunteer work in my day for several non-profit organizations and give a substantial amount of my money to charity

14) In all honestly, I can’t remember the last time I was intentionally mean to somebody.  I may not be overly nice, but I’m only mean to situations rather than people.  I bitch about my computer, school, traffic….etc, but am almost always nice to everybody. 

15) People always tell me I’m a dichotomy.

 

10 messages to anonymous friends, you should know who you are:

1) You sicken me.  I hate everything about you.  I really want you to die

2) I love you really.  The first time we met and had sex, you didn”t laugh about my 3 inch penis.  I’m soooo ashamed of it and never tell anyone about it.  You have made me feel very special.

3) I treasure your friendship for a number of reasons.  Most specifically, I love you because I can always tell secrets to you.  You NEVER told ANYBODY about all of the anal crabs I got a few months back, and I love you for that.

4) You probably have no idea, but I look at your profile 50 times a day, and every time I do, I touch myself in a way that would indicate that I want to be more than just friends with you.

5) You probably have no idea, but I look at your profile 50 times a day, and every time I do, I touch myself in a way that would indicate that I want to be more than just friends with you.

6) You probably have no idea, but I look at your profile 50 times a day, and every time I do, I touch myself in a way that would indicate that I want to be more than just friends with you.

7) You probably have no idea, but I look at your profile 50 times a day, and every time I do, I touch myself in a way that would indicate that I want to be more than just friends with you.

You probably have no idea, but I look at your profile 50 times a day, and every time I do, I touch myself in a way that would indicate that I want to be more than just friends with you.

9) You probably have no idea, but I look at your profile 50 times a day, and every time I do, I touch myself in a way that would indicate that I want to be more than just friends with you.

10) You probably have no idea, but I look at your profile 50 times a day, and every time I do, I touch myself in a way that would indicate that I want to be more than just friends with you.

Brief Reflection: 1 Sentence Describing Every Year of Your Life:

1) Fresh out the va-jay-jay, covered in mung and ready to fucking rumble bitches

2) Went on tour with Van Halen, drank a lot, TONS of pussy and drugs, hey, come on, it was 1984!

3) Rockin Tonka trucks hard core like the wanksta I be

4) This was the year where I slanged dope, I learned and learned fast that if you wanna hustle on the streets, you gotta get some yeyo and baking powder, and cook it up and sell that shit dawg!

5) Kindergarten

6) 1^st Grade

7) 2^nd Grade

3^rd Grade

9) 4^th Grade

10) 5^th grade

11) 6^th grade

12) 7^th Grade

13) 8^th grade

14) 8^th grade again

 15) 8^th Grade again

16) 8^th grade again

17) 8^th grade again

18) Joined the carnival circuit and ran a ring toss table

19) Successfully had a vaginoplasty so I could become the bearded lady and get a 3$ an hour raise

20) Had my first period

21) Realized that men who’ve had sex changes aren’t supposed to get their periods, and quit taking the birth control pills that damaged my kidneys to the point where I pissed blood every day

22) Left the carnival circuit in shame, joined Heaven’s Gate cult, but after 6 months, I realized that everyone was already dead and had been the entire time, so I bounced the fuck out.

23) This year was about one thing and one thing only: Patrick Duffy

24) I started my new career as a used bacon salesman; I made $345,055 in after-tax income that year

25) Joined Myspace and officially became a worthless dork

26) Just turned 26, not much has happened

5 Cool and Crazy Things I’d Like to do in the Future:

1) I’ve said this before.  I would like to take the next couple of weeks to re-format and re-post my old blogs on a site off of Myspace, so my blogs are at least out there somewhere.  However, I said I was going to take a break from writing new blogs, but I now have 3 great ideas for new blogs that I will work on soon.  They are: 1) A blog for the ladies, it will be a guide on how to get internet players to leave you alone; 2) A highly time-consuming blog that will have a couple of blogs within it.  The story will involve me receiving death threats from a fictional character; and 3) I would like to write some erotica, only the erotica will be about either masturbating while watching a certain TV show or having sex with hookers……….from a MALE point of view.

2) Also, I’ve stated on my profile that my ultimate goal in life is to marry a rich girl that is a dork, then have a vasectomy so I don’t have to worry about kids, and live out my days sitting naked in a kiddie pool while eating hot dogs and listening to polka music.

3) I’m not a malicious person, but I would like to create the mother of all computer viruses.  The catch is, I want it to be a virus that makes people laugh at first.  What I have in mind is to create a virus that takes over a person’s computer, and then the Mooninites from the show Aqua Teen Hunger Force magically appear on their screen dancing around, flicking the person off and hurling insults at them.

 I think it would be awesome if people saw this and laughed…………..until they realized that their computers were completely fucked.

4) I want to be rich, filthy rich.  If I were, I would do things like this:  In my area, demolition derbies are HUGE. 

I would like to enter demo derbies, where people take shitty $300 cars and beat the hell out of them to try and win trophies and cash prizes.  If I were rich, I would buy a $60,000 car that is solid built and enter it into a demo derby.  Sure, I would trash the hell out of the car, but I’d probably win and boast about winning the derby to all the poor people who actually need the money who were involved.   Meanwhile, my only motive for entering would be so that I can win a trophy.

5) I live near a lot of Amish people.  An interesting fact about them is that due to excessive inbreeding, they often pay non-Amish males to come to their houses and have sex with their daughters so they get pregnant and add some new DNA to their gene pool.  Even more interesting, the whole family watches while you have sex with the female member of their clan.    

I WANT TO DO THIS!!!!!!!!!!!

BUT, I want to do the most fucked up thing possible while fucking an Amish guy’s daughter in front of him. 

I propose that I fuck the young Amish woman (I’m assuming it will be on their kitchen table), and half way through, I hand her a badminton shuttlecock

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and have her shove it directly up my ass.   THEN, I will continue to bang her in front of her family while making noises similar to the aliens from the movie “Mars Attacks”

So picture me having sex with an Amish chick, with a shuttlecock in my ass, and making those noises…………. in front of her family.

Completely awesome

And Finally………………

Take your top 5 Myspace friends and briefly describe what it would be like if you had sex with them……………and prematurely ejaculated after only 30 seconds…………….and say what excuse you would give for it.

(private profiles get no links)

Ok, let’s see here, who do we have at 1?

1) Beatrix the Twat- Well, she never fucking logs in anymore and probably won’t even see this, so fuck her, she gets nada.   I need to move around my top friends.

2) Doctor Handsome- this one is easy.  I’ve already said before that if 2 straight guys have sex with each other, it is not considered to be gay if they do it while watching a Kurt Russell movie.  That’s because it’s physically impossible for a man to watch Kurt Russell without wanting to fight or fuck something.  This is a scientific fact that is known as the “Kurt Russell Fight or Fuck Reflex”.

 So Handsome and I would be watching Escape from LA together, and naturally we would beat the shit out of each other and then have sex.  As soon as I would slip it in Dr. Handsome’s back door, a scene where Kurt is riding a motorcycle would come on………….and I would immediately climax.

*****WARNING, FROM THIS POINT ON, THIS BLOG IS RATED XXXXXX. I DO NOT RECOMMEND THAT ANY NORMAL PERSON CONTINUES*****

3) Becki-  I picture myself taking Becki on a date to a BBQ joint and eating a shitload of ribs and baked beans.  After that, we go back to my place and do the nasty.  Only problem is, the baked beans and ribs make Becki rather flatulent.  Regardless, I decide to go through with it and nail Becki, despite the fact that she smelled like the inside of a boilerhouse full of 500 B.O. stinky men.  So I lay her down in my bed, insert my 3 inches of fury inside of her, and Becki is so gassy that she lets out the biggest queef of all time right on my junk, and it shakes my rod to the point where I finish within seconds. 

4) JC (AKA: Jen) – Jen looks nice and sweet, but don’t let that fool you, she is actually the Anti-Christ.  Jen would lure me home with her by using her charm and supposed sweetness.  Then, as soon as we get inside her house, she wraps a dog chain around my neck and starts choking me with it.  Then, she pisses on the carpet, rubs my nose in it and says I’ve been a bad boy.  After that, she makes me put on a pink bra and panties and starts to ride me like a horse.  Finally, she grabs my fully erect Johnson and snaps it in half.  I don;t have an orgasm, but oil from my Cowper’s gland gets everywhere, and that is good enough for her.

Ok, at this point I can at least say that although these are humiliating and gross, at least I haven’t done anything that would make me confused about my sexuality or anything like that.  Seriously, this has been a long ride, but I can at least say that I haven’t had any confusing thoughts that would make me wonder about who I really am, and there’s only one person left so I think I’m going to be alright.  I am straight as an arrow and nothing can change that.

Ok, let’s see who I have as my 5 friend……………………………….

5) Chad 360°- I picture Chad and I getting together for some drinks.  One thing leads to another and he coerces me into having sex with him.  Since it’s my first gay experience, Chad is more than eager to break my anal hymen.  He bends me over on his bed and starts to nail me in the ass and gives me a reach-around.  This encounter would end rather quickly, because Chad’s organ is so huge that he repeatedly pokes and effectively squeezes my prostate with it, causing me to automatically ejaculate.

There you have it folks!  This was the longest and biggest fucking pain in the ass tag ever.  Now, should I tag some people? 

Why yes!  Yes I should, and yes I am!

I would like to announce the following tags.  If you fail to accept my challenge I will be deeply offended beyond belief.  I will never speak to you again if you don’t do this.  Might I add that I DO NOT WANT PEOPLE TO JUDGE ME for who I have as friends.  Some people like to say: “oh, he/she’s your friend, well delete them or I’ll delete you”.  I don’t play that.  I know who I know, that is it.

First, I am tagging every single person mentioned in this blog. 

Second, I am tagging the following people because they don’t blog enough:  The Right Reverend Amadeus Rapperport, Da Muthaphukkin Realest, Malted Algae, Mao Tse Tung, Melinda, and DeeAGoh of team rock-on!

Finally, I am also tagging the following people for reasons unspecified: Kittie Vicous, Redactional Mendicant, Drew Peacock, Minx, Casey, Uday Hussein, Cat Understands bad hair Days, Uniquely Erratic, God’s Voice, Lee Harvey Oswald, Calamity Jamie, Darron, and Token: Character Assassin

I fully expect every single person mentioned to do this in a timely manner, or I will report you to Tom and have your account deleted.  

Thank you, that is all.

Explore posts in the same categories: Personal stuff aka: Bullshit, Random Stupidity, Uncategorized

Tags: Adult-humor, amish people, aqua teen hunger force, comedy, demolition derby, funny, games, mooninites, sex with friends, tag games

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