Photo Blog: A Scenic Tribute to Western Pennsylvania

**THIS IS A PICTURE BLOG, AND IT IS PROBABLY BETTER IF DON’T SCROLL DOWN TO THE BOTTOM REALLY FAST, BUT RATHER SCROLL DOWN AND READ ALONG.  BUT HEY, IT’S UP TO YOU**

Hello to you all.  I’ve spent the entire day and night going back and forth between doing a shitload of work on my computer and messing around on the internet, and I have finally finished this.   I would like to take this opportunity to do a serious blog and pay a tribute to my home, Western Pennsylvania, complete with tons of beautiful pictures.

Before I go on, I’ll provide you with some background info.  Western PA is the home of many world famous celebrities past and present, including the likes of Jimmy Stewart, Mister Rogers, Christina Aguilera, Andy Warhol, and Lobster Boy.  It was once the heart of the global steel industry, had a thriving coal industry, and was the first place in the world where oil was produced.  Of course, these industries have been temporarily killed altogether thanks in large part to the wonders of free trade and globalization, so many western Pennsylvanians are collecting welfare and working at Wal-Mart until these industries pick back up, which will most likely be sometime between never and never.  Although geographically small, the state of Pennsylvania is home to over 12 million people.  However, as you can see on the map below, which shows all of the cities in the state, most of the population resides in the Eastern side of the state:

In fact, with the exceptions of Erie and Pittsburgh, there are no cities with more than 50,000 people in the entire region.  As some have put it, other than the 2 aforementioned cities, Western PA is just a bunch of woods filled with rednecks.  I happen to live in those woods and am surrounded by KKK members and Amish people.  But, there is so much more to where I live than simply Lynyrd Skynyrd fans, people who hunt deer, demolition derbies and Bible-hugging Republicans.  Picturesque landscapes can be seen all over the place.

So, the other day I was walking home and I decided to take some pictures of the landscapes that surround me, and I will now show them to you.  I should first mention that I took these photos with my cellphone, and I don’t have an adapter to put them on my computer, so I took pictures of my cellphone pictures with a camera.

Are you ready for an exciting adventure through some sweet rural countryside?  Do you want to see some of the most wonderful natural beauty that the United States has to offer?

Well then, HERE WE GO!!!!!!!!!!!

Ahh yes, here I begin my 20 minute journey home, which started in the rustic alleyways of a residential area.  At the bottom of the picture is my right leg.  At the top, you may notice some lovely dark grey asphault.  Observe how the shaded area begins to brighten and become full of light at the top of the picture.  Absolutely stunning!

Next we see a veritable amalgamation of luminous beauty.  Some sidewalk can be seen here, and if you are unable to notice, there is a small amount of grass at the top right of the picture.

This was where my journey took a turn for the worse.  As I took this picture with the sun at my back, I noticed some sort of a shape-shifting phantom-like creature directly in front of me.  He stayed within inches of me for several blocks.

Here’s another shot of the phantom shape shifter.  I reached my hand out and tried to grab its legs, but it was to no avail.  Thankfully however, I have seen the movie “Predator” and have a vast understanding of what to do in a situation like this.  I stripped naked, ran over to the nearest mud puddle, and covered myself in mud, so as to prevent any of my pores from releasing heat.  You see, Phantom shape-shifters have infrared vision, so by covering myself in mud I essentially made myself invisible and impervious to his horrible deathray.

At this point, I had successfully eluded the phantom, and began to make my way across a street onto the campus of a very small, backwoods school that has some 15,000 students.  The two horizontal objects at the top of the picture are used to hold up traffic lights.

Here is some more lovely sidewalk.  The dark lines that appear on the sidewalk are referred to as “cracks”.

And here we have it folks!  This was without a doubt the highlight of my journey home and the climax of this blog.  In this picture, I captured the EXACT moment in time where my right foot stepped not on more sidewalk, but rather………….ON MULCH!!!!!!!!!!  You see, sometimes when you’re walking through the countryside, you come to certain spots where they put some mulch on the ground, instead of sidewalk, so that they can plant trees.  I decided to be a jerk and took a shortcut through the mulch, huzzah!

At this point I was on the other side of campus and nearing my humble abode.  The above picture shows a “stairwell”.  I know what some of you may be thinking, “A stairwell…………that isn’t in a building?”  I know……..I know.

I always know I’m close to home when I come across this landmark.  This is a natural site that is perhaps as old as the land itself.  We call it “Robertson’s Cove.”  Historians say that it was created by mother nature herself about 3 billion years ago, when a small meteorite struck the surface of the earth right at the bottom of an erupting volcano.  What makes it so unique is that, although on the surface it appears to be solid ground, underneath that ground lies an enchanting aquatic environment filled with a plethora of sea creatures.  Robertson’s Cove is a very popular, family friendly vacation destination, and it is the primary tourist attraction of my town.  But beware!  Rumor has it that a gigantic snake lives somewhere near the cove, and he preys on unsuspecting female victims.

Finally, after 15 minutes, I am almost home.

Yes, now my home is in sight.  Glorious day!  My journey is near its completion!

This last picture is of my “crib”.  It’s a comfortable 4-door house with side and rear airbags, and do you see that thing in the middle?  Yep, that’s a MOTHERFUCKING cupholder!  I know, I know, I’m bragging on and on as if this is an episode of “MTV Cribs.”

There you have it folks!  I hope you enjoyed all of the beautful scenery, and you gained a greater appreciation for my home state.

Until next time,

C

YA

-JJ

Explore posts in the same categories: Personal stuff aka: Bullshit, comedy

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