RUN FOR YOUR FUCKING LIFE! SWINE FLU WILL RAPE AND KILL US ALL!!

**ATTENTION: THIS IS A SPECIAL BREAKING NEWS BLOG ABOUT THE MOST DEADLY SHIT THAT HAS EVER FUCKING HAPPENED**

Holy FUCKING shit!  Have you guys heard about this new swine flu pandemic that’s killed off half of Mexico yet?  It’s the scariest shit like ever and all of America should be ready in arms to fight against this enemy of liberty!

Carnage left behind by killer flu

I was going to post about something else today, but feel that the swine flu epidemic is too important a topic to skip over.  Seriously folks, this is like everything Terminator 2 predicted and then some!

More footage from Mexico, where swine flu has taken over

I am currently writing this while in an underground bunker 40 feet below the ground.  I thank my lucky stars that I bought a new generator for my bunker last month, and have enough food rations to get by for awhile.

Random scary picture added to promote more paranoia among the American general public

I’ll be safe and sound in my bunker for a few months.  My only hope is that when I return to the surface, at least some human life will remain.  For the rest of this post, I will devote some time towards giving you the best advice possible for fighting off Swine Flu.

First off, you will want to start by containing the virus.  This can be easily achieved by forming a neighborhood watch group and looking for suspicious Swine Flu-related behavior in your neighborhood.

This could be YOU in 24 hours!

If you notice any of your neighbors taking part in any unusual activities such as: coughing, sneezing, making bowel movements and spending more than 4 minutes in the bathroom, grimacing in discomfort, favoring one leg, or peeing while sitting down, there is a STRONG chance that they, as well as the rest of their family have been infected with the sickness.

Will Swine Flu eat 9/11 whole, and then diarrhea blast it all over our faces?

You need to go around and mark off each of those houses.  After this is done, break into each marked house, tie up every person inside of it, and TORCH THE FUCKER TO THE GROUND!!!!!!

Will Swine Flu kill your children? Probably

After you have successfully killed quarantined those who have probably had some sort of a possibility of maybe being somewhat infected, you will want to fight fire with fire.  This can be achieved by attacking the Swine Flu head-on with a little of its own medicine: BACON!!!!!!!!!

Is bacon the new Jesus?

Grab all of the bacon you can, and ummmmm, like, throw it at some Swine Flu or something like that.  Everyone knows damn well that bacon is God’s greatest gift to humanity right next to Global Warming (I am LOVING this 85 degree weather in the Northeast in April), so it has to provide SOME kind of help.  Hell, there’s one guy on the internet who has made a BA-K 47 and plans on using it in our Jihad against Swine Flu:

Delicious and deadly, is there anything bacon CAN'T do?

Finally, I strongly advise avoiding all dead pigs that you may run across.

I've you've made it this far in the blog, chances are you already have Swine Flu

Try your best to avoid touching dead pigs, sharing needles with them, having sex with them, bathing in their blood, blowing lines of cocaine off of their asses, and feasting on the half-processed feces that lie within their small intestines.  I know that last one in particular may be hard for a lot of you, but if you value your life, you won’t do it.

That’s all of the advice I have for you right now.   I wish you all good luck and hope that your deaths are quick and painless.  I will close out by advising everyone to panic, because the End Times are clearly here.

Swine Flu: We're all fucked!

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